english jokes

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Why was the mom-spider angry with the dad-spider?
Because he spent too much time on the web.

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How do men exercise at the Pool?
By sucking their bellies in every time a lady walks by.

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Woman 1: “My son suffers from a drinking problem.”
Woman 2: “I didn’t know that he drinks.”
Woman 1: “He doesn’t. His wife drinks. He suffers.”

#Suffering #DrinkingProblem
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A man visiting his friend’s office was surprised to see that all his colleagues came in early. He asked his friend why. He replied that there were 5 parking spots and 10 colleagues.
#ParkingWoes #ComingInEarly
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A boy sits outside his swimming class looking very upset. His dad asks him what the matter is. He said that his friend had told him to put a rolled sock in his swim trunks to impress the girls. His friend forgot to mention that the sock was to go in front and not at the back…….

#SwimmingTrunks #SockInTrunks
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My relatives used to drive me crazy at weddings asking if I would be next.
I started asking them the same at funerals. Problem solved!

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Why is it strange to see lover’s names carved into trees?
Ans: Who carries a knife on a date!!

#Knife #Date #LoversInitials
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A teenager went to the local amusement park. He saw a sign that advertised that the lady at the counter had the world’s longest memory. He did not usually fall for such attractions but decided to go and see what she was all about. He walked up to her and asked what she had for breakfast exactly 10 years ago. She replied that she had bread. He found the answer too generic and presumed that she had just made it up. He didn’t visit the fair again until ten years later. He was surprised to find that the very same woman at the fair with the same sign. He walked up to her intending to ask her, “How are you?”. She stopped him at, “How…”, and replied, “Toasted with butter on it”.
#Memory #AmusementPark
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A lady was locking up her florist’s business when a lady rushed up and asked if she could buy a bouquet. “No,”, replied the owner, “I’m closing.”. “But the sign advertises that you are open 24 hours.”. “Yes, 24 hours at a time.”, replied the owner.
#florist #24HourService
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