english jokes

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That look🤪!

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A man walks into a hotel reception to check in accompanied by his dog. The receptionist says that pets are not allowed as per the hotel’s policy. He tells her it is a seeing-eye dog. She apologizes and also gives him a discount on the room. On his way out the man sees a lady approaching the hotel with her suitcase and dog and he gives her a tip on lying to the receptionist regarding her dog. When the lady walks into the hotel, she is told that the hotel does not allow pets. She replies that her dog is a seeing-eye dog. The receptionist laughs and says, “Chihuahuas are not seeing eye dogs!”. The lady replies, “A Chihuahua!!! They gave me a Chihuahua!”.
#Chihuahua #Dog
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A colony of vampire bats watched astonished as the youngest bat flew in covered in fresh blood and went to rest hanging from his favorite perch. They kept asking him where he found prey as they were very hungry for blood too. Finally, after much bullying and begging, he consented to show them….the entire colony followed him and it was an impressive sight to behold. They flew high and they flew low till they were tired of flying finally the youngest bat slowed down and asked the others if they could see the tall tower in front of them and they all chorused, “Yes, we can!”. He replied, “Well I didn’t!”.
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A woman was telling her friend that she had successfully made her boyfriend a millionaire. Her friend asked what he had been before he met her. She answered, “A multi-millionaire!”.
#Millionaire
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Why did the lady refuse the chef’s proposal?
He was a pastry chef. She was sure he would dessert her.
#PastryChef #ChefsProposal
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A group of executives was at the bar after a long day at a conference. A mobile phone rang and an executive answered it. He spoke on the phone saying, “A diamond earring? Sure honey. Please buy it. And while you are there buy a necklace too”. His colleagues were very impressed and clapped. He disconnected and asked his fellow executives, “Whose phone is this?”.
#WhosePhoneIsThis #PhoneMixUp
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Did you enjoy your trip to Ireland?
Yes, I spent the whole time Dublin over with laughter.
#Ireland #Irish #IrishLaughter
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There was a car accident outside the school and a teenage student wanted to skip classes. She told the teacher that it was her mother hurt in the accident. The teacher was very amused and gave her permission to leave. She stepped out of school only to find that the car had hit a donkey.
#CarCrash #Donkey #SkippingSchool
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The little witch turned her mother into a bed by mistake and couldn't reverse the spell. She took her to the hospital. When she asked the doctor how she was doing the doctor replied, “She isn’t cured but she is comfortable.”
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Three men on vacation got drunk and woke up in the morning in jail and sentenced to death. They had no recollection of their supposed crime. The first one was put in the electric chair and told to say his last words. He said a prayer. The switch was pressed and he did not die. The police saw it as a sign of divine intervention and let him go. The second man was then put in the chair and he also prayed. The switch was pressed and he also did not die. He was allowed to leave. The third man was put in the chair and asked to say his last words. He said, “I don’t see how you will be able to electrocute anyone in this chair without connecting those two wires!”.
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