animal jokes

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What did the chicken find after crossing the playground?
The other slide.

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What did the cat use as bait for the mouse?
Mice Krispies

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What kind of shoes did the frog design?
Open toad.

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What makes a frog happy?
Eating whatever bugs him.

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What do you call the fish that mends guitars?
Tuna fish.

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A man broke into a house that seemed unoccupied. As soon as he entered he saw a parrot in a cage. It made a huge racket and screeched at him that Jesus was watching him. He was terribly amused and started to make conversation with the parrot. He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot replied, “Tweety”. The man laughed some more and asked, “Who would choose that name for a parrot?”. “Well,”, replied the parrot, “the same old lady who named the German Shepherd Jesus.”.

#Name #Jesus
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A group of wildlife enthusiasts was very disappointed after a long day in the jungle trying to sight a tiger. They kept seeing leopards but no tigers. They asked their guide who was a man known for wisecracks, why they saw so many leopards and no tigers. He replied, “I guess that is because the leopard is easily spotted….”.
#Leopard #Tiger
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A woman took her beloved pet cat to the vet for an annual check-up. The cat seemed to be in excellent health though he was overweight. She was looking forward to a clean bill of health for her cat. The vet examined the cat and then picked him up to cuddle him and for a closer look at his face. He suddenly turned to the lady and said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”. The lady let out an anguished cry and asked why. The vet replied that it was because he was too heavy to carry of course. 
#PutDown #Vet #FatCat
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A tiger was enjoying his usual evening stroll when he saw a dog walking his way. The dog seemed to be lost. The tiger thought the dog would make a nice snack and licked his lips. The dog was taken aback to see the tiger but quickly tried to think of a way to escape a gruesome end. He decided to hide his fear and pretend to be fierce. The dog licked his own lips and said loudly, “That was a really tasty tiger. I wonder where I can find another.”. The tiger stopped and after having second thoughts decided to back away and leave the dog alone. A fox was watching this entire incident and decided to get on the good side of the tiger by telling him the truth. The fox approached the tiger and told him that the dog was nothing to be afraid of and would be very easy prey. He convinced him to approach the dog again and led the way back towards the dog as the tiger followed. The dog saw the fox approaching with the tiger right behind him and realized what had transpired. He was a quick thinker and spoke out loud, “Where is that fox!!! He promised to bring me another tiger to eat and there are no signs of him.”. No prizes for guessing who the tiger ate for dinner.
#Tiger #Fox #Dog #AnimalJoke
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One day a woman went to the movies with her pet dog. She was stopped and told that dogs were not allowed into the theatre. She replied that her dog was very well-behaved and that he would give no trouble. As it was a slow day, the manager agreed to let the dog watch the movie. After the movie, the manager greeted the lady and remarked that the dog seemed to have enjoyed the movie. “Yes!”, she replied, “I am very surprised. He liked the movie though he didn’t much care for the book.”.
#ReadingDog #DogAtMovies
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