animal jokes

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One summer day a policeman spotted a lady with a lion sitting in the back seat of the car. He immediately stopped her and asked why she had a lion in her car. “He is my baby.”, she said. The policeman was horrified and told her to please take him to the zoo. She looked surprised, agreed and then drove off. 
A week later, he saw the same woman with the lion in the backseat. He stopped the car and angrily asked her why the lion was still in the car. The lady sweetly replied, “Officer you are so kind. Last week you suggested the zoo. He enjoyed that so much that today I have decided to take him on a trip to the beach. Thank you so much.”.
#AnimalJoke #PetLion #Lion
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Why was the kangaroo upset that the kindergarten had declared a holiday because of bad weather?
Because all the kids would have to play inside.

#AnimalJoke #Kangaroo
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A woman took her beloved pet dog to the new veterinarian for an annual check-up. She was ushered into a room and told to wait. A beautiful cat walked in, sat and stared at the dog and then walked out. Next, a friendly labrador came and sat by the dog sniffed at him for a while and left. Finally, the veterinarian walked in, handed over a prescription and a bill for $300. The woman was shocked. She looked at the bill.
It read:
CAT Scan: $125
Lab Testing: $125
Consultation & Prescription: $50
Total: $300

#Vet #AnimalJoke #CatScan
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A man was walking by a farm when he observed the farmer taking his lambs one by one to the fruit tree and lifting them up. The lambs ate the fruit of the tree one by one. The farmer then walked the lamb back to its enclosure and took the next one to the tree. 
The man observed this extraordinary sight and asked the farmer why he didn’t save more time by just plucking all the fruit and feeding all the lambs the fruit in their enclosure at the same time. The puzzled farmer replied, “Why would time matter to my lambs?”
#Animal #Farmer #Lamb
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A lady was giving her friend instructions on watering her plants and feeding her animals while she was away for the weekend. She told her that she had a guard dog called Brute who was no trouble at all and a parrot that talked too much. She requested her friend to ignore both the dog and the parrot and warned her, “Whatever you do, please ignore the parrot. Please do not talk to her.”. 
The friend agreed and came over the next day. She watered the plants, fed the dog and the parrot. The dog, Brute, pretty much ignored her the whole time but the parrot kept screaming at her in the filthiest language. Finally, she could take it no more and forgetting her friend’s warning shouted back at the offensive bird. The parrot screeched, “Brute, attack!”.
#Animal #AngryParrot #Parrot
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A herd of cows was gossiping about the outbreak of mad cow disease on the neighboring farm. They were all happy that none of their herd was infected. One of the cows spoke up and asked, “Why are you worried about mad cow disease? It does not infect us chickens.”.
#Cow #MadCow #Animal
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A group of young rats was out for a night at the bar. They ended up boasting about how brave they were. Each rat tried to outdo the other with stories of escaping rat traps and eating rat poison. One of them was silent throughout. He got up to leave early. The other asked him why. He replied, “I need to get back and feed my pet cat.”.
#Animal #Rat #Cat
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A girl walked into her friend’s house and found her engrossed in a game of chess with her cat. She was shocked and exclaimed that this was the cleverest cat that she had ever seen. Her friend replied, “Not really! She has lost 2 games out of 3.”
#Cat #Animal #Chess
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A frog goes to a fortune teller to get a reading for his future and she predicts that in a couple of months he would meet a girl who was curious to get to know everything about him. The frog is happy to hear this and pays her double her fee. As an afterthought, he asks where he will meet this girl. She tells him that it will be in a biology laboratory.
#fortuneteller #frog #animaljoke
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A man consults a psychiatrist with the complaint that his wife thinks she is a greyhound. The psychiatrist requests that he bring his wife in for treatment. The man hesitates to wonder if he should. He tells the psychiatrist that she had won almost all of the local greyhound races.
#dog #wife #psychiatrist
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