animal jokes

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A tiger was enjoying his usual evening stroll when he saw a dog walking his way. The dog seemed to be lost. The tiger thought the dog would make a nice snack and licked his lips. The dog was taken aback to see the tiger but quickly tried to think of a way to escape a gruesome end. He decided to hide his fear and pretend to be fierce. The dog licked his own lips and said loudly, “That was a really tasty tiger. I wonder where I can find another.”. The tiger stopped and after having second thoughts decided to back away and leave the dog alone. A fox was watching this entire incident and decided to get on the good side of the tiger by telling him the truth. The fox approached the tiger and told him that the dog was nothing to be afraid of and would be very easy prey. He convinced him to approach the dog again and led the way back towards the dog as the tiger followed. The dog saw the fox approaching with the tiger right behind him and realized what had transpired. He was a quick thinker and spoke out loud, “Where is that fox!!! He promised to bring me another tiger to eat and there are no signs of him.”. No prizes for guessing who the tiger ate for dinner.
#Tiger #Fox #Dog #AnimalJoke
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One day a woman went to the movies with her pet dog. She was stopped and told that dogs were not allowed into the theatre. She replied that her dog was very well-behaved and that he would give no trouble. As it was a slow day, the manager agreed to let the dog watch the movie. After the movie, the manager greeted the lady and remarked that the dog seemed to have enjoyed the movie. “Yes!”, she replied, “I am very surprised. He liked the movie though he didn’t much care for the book.”.
#ReadingDog #DogAtMovies
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One summer day a policeman spotted a lady with a lion sitting in the back seat of the car. He immediately stopped her and asked why she had a lion in her car. “He is my baby.”, she said. The policeman was horrified and told her to please take him to the zoo. She looked surprised, agreed and then drove off. 
A week later, he saw the same woman with the lion in the backseat. He stopped the car and angrily asked her why the lion was still in the car. The lady sweetly replied, “Officer you are so kind. Last week you suggested the zoo. He enjoyed that so much that today I have decided to take him on a trip to the beach. Thank you so much.”.
#AnimalJoke #PetLion #Lion
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Why was the kangaroo upset that the kindergarten had declared a holiday because of bad weather?
Because all the kids would have to play inside.

#AnimalJoke #Kangaroo
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A woman took her beloved pet dog to the new veterinarian for an annual check-up. She was ushered into a room and told to wait. A beautiful cat walked in, sat and stared at the dog and then walked out. Next, a friendly labrador came and sat by the dog sniffed at him for a while and left. Finally, the veterinarian walked in, handed over a prescription and a bill for $300. The woman was shocked. She looked at the bill.
It read:
CAT Scan: $125
Lab Testing: $125
Consultation & Prescription: $50
Total: $300

#Vet #AnimalJoke #CatScan
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A man was walking by a farm when he observed the farmer taking his lambs one by one to the fruit tree and lifting them up. The lambs ate the fruit of the tree one by one. The farmer then walked the lamb back to its enclosure and took the next one to the tree. 
The man observed this extraordinary sight and asked the farmer why he didn’t save more time by just plucking all the fruit and feeding all the lambs the fruit in their enclosure at the same time. The puzzled farmer replied, “Why would time matter to my lambs?”
#Animal #Farmer #Lamb
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A lady was giving her friend instructions on watering her plants and feeding her animals while she was away for the weekend. She told her that she had a guard dog called Brute who was no trouble at all and a parrot that talked too much. She requested her friend to ignore both the dog and the parrot and warned her, “Whatever you do, please ignore the parrot. Please do not talk to her.”. 
The friend agreed and came over the next day. She watered the plants, fed the dog and the parrot. The dog, Brute, pretty much ignored her the whole time but the parrot kept screaming at her in the filthiest language. Finally, she could take it no more and forgetting her friend’s warning shouted back at the offensive bird. The parrot screeched, “Brute, attack!”.
#Animal #AngryParrot #Parrot
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